Why English is stupid?


Why English is stupid?

There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

10 條關於 “Why English is stupid?” 的評論

  1. 很有趣!令我想起兩個中文字:

  2. @Xiao Zhu, 第一個我不就不清楚了, 不過第二個, 我想應該是從象形文字轉化過來, 「身」是個人, 「寸」是拉弓的動作啊……

  3. @striker, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure about this either (since I thought french fries is from french too! :), but if wiki was right, french fries could be something invented a long time ago, and improved by the french cooks.